MyExposedLife: FIVE Stand-Up

Oh it has been so long since I have come here and updated this page but you are not forgotten all two followers! I am back for another late night adventure into the neurosis that is my life. Today I performed for about 60 seconds on a stand up comedy stage. I was a mean drunken bastard, and do you know what? I don't care.

Some dick-wad was being a doucher to my friend and I thought of the only way I could go up in front of everyone and be aggressively mean to this person in retaliation. So I did. And I loved it. Unfortunately no one else did, but like I said, I don't give two shits. I am not a comedian. I do not plan on becoming a comedian and I thought that someone show this first timer that he cannot just step up on my friend and be a prick to her because he did not understand how stand-up works.

Let me first introduce a little background story; this fucker, he shall not be named, came to comedy night seemingly to heckle everyone else. And when I went and made the rounds I found all these new people to be very kind and welcoming. But this mother fucker had an agenda. He didn't know it, but I did. He went and made a fool of himself because he thought he could be a natural talent at it.

Buddy. These hard working individuals come up and perform in front of many people, sometimes several times a week. And from what I understand, they have to go up and experiment, test their jokes on the suspecting audience and whether they get a laugh or not they get a feel to how they should proceed with their comedic voices. Now, these people do not need some interloping jack-off to defend themselves, from what I heard from them tonight, I know that they can handle themselves. BUT with that being said, no one really directly went to the aid of my friend. Is this my job? Not really, BUT I'LL BE FUCKED if I sit around and let this piece prance around and mistakenly be an asshole to MY new friend. So I went up there and humiliated myself, but I took him with me.

The only reason I went up was because I wanted him to know I was calling him out on his fucking bullshit. And you know what? That may have seemed mean spirited BUT at the end of the night HE came up to me and told me he knew what I went up there to do. I just wanted to call this dick on his foul.

Now if I never see him again it will be too soon. He genuinely creeped me out and told me he had mental issues and if you knew the slough of shit he was caught up in then I doubt highly that you would disagree with me.

As for me? I walked home on a high of walking up on stage and giving that bitch a taste of his own medicine. Like I said, I don't really care what people think of me, I just wanted to prove a point. I can be an outloud asshole too. I can go out of my way and show the public that I like to be a fucking loser and not care what other people think of me. And I wanted to get my fucking punch in, for my friend. Because if that fucking asshole made ME feel the way I saw he made my friend feel? I would DEFINITELY want someone to do the same. Just for shits and giggles.

Thank you, I'll be here all week!

-ME

MyExposedLife: FOUR

I can't do anything. I don't know how. I just want to figure out how everyone else does it. Maybe I could extract the secret from someone? Like. Wtf?! How do you live? I mean. Yeah. 

Make money

Pay bills

Just live. But. How? The fuck? Do you DO it?! Oh my god it's so hard. I don't think I will ever get the handle of this... I don't know why I even try. I wanted life to begin and now I'm here trying how to start the engine. I'm trying to assemble some sort of life but I am so ill equipped I can't even think straight. It's always been like this. How do people go around like ants on their hills just pushing through and not caring or thinking about everything else? Ffffffff. I just need to do whatever I want and hope that life will fall into place. Get my own reality in check and go from their. Maybe next thing I know some sort of normality will form around my shitty existence and I'll be able to call that life. God. What does it take? How do you overcome crippling social anxiety and awkwardness? It's all an act you know? Yeah. I'm all persona. My true self is a set of created 'isms' that make up the person you interact with and perceive as me. I'm okay with that I really don't care. I've survived my whole life like this why change now? Or more accurately revert to my inner self? 

I remember in high school how hard it was to sleep and now at 2:09 am I'm stuck with my brain on 1000mph in panic mode worrying about. Well everything. This isn't a cry for help. More like an admission of confusion. How can one be so intelligent and bright yet so ignorant and I'll informed? I should have paid more attention to the world rather then my own fantasies then this never would have happened. 

Creator of all things and divine power- help me navigate successfully through my existence and achieve my goals with the clarity of a much more grounded and saner individual. Help me make the right decisions and grow into someone less manic and neurotic. Change the things within that fault me and watch over me when I fail and pick me up when I am down. 

Much respect. 

Oliver. 

MORE... So I wrote that last night and it's still true- today however I am just sitting here and reflecting on my life at the moment. I may not have a job or a place to call my own but I'm pretty happy where I am at- eventually I am hoping it gets easier and more manageable. I went to look for a job today- I hope I get something within the week, that would be awesome. As for everything else? In time a certain farmiliar sense of normality and pattern will arise I think and I will be able to cope better. Having the courage to just do things is all I really need to learn and to adjust to my situation at hand. I'm just like every one else I've got problems and if I just own up to them and face them head on I should be able to deal with them like everyone else. 

I think I am going to work on my writing now that I have some free time. I am also catching up on some books I've neglected to read. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to email me or leave one below. I am everywhere on the internet you just have to look for me:) odmk.