MyExposedLife: FIVE Stand-Up

Oh it has been so long since I have come here and updated this page but you are not forgotten all two followers! I am back for another late night adventure into the neurosis that is my life. Today I performed for about 60 seconds on a stand up comedy stage. I was a mean drunken bastard, and do you know what? I don't care.

Some dick-wad was being a doucher to my friend and I thought of the only way I could go up in front of everyone and be aggressively mean to this person in retaliation. So I did. And I loved it. Unfortunately no one else did, but like I said, I don't give two shits. I am not a comedian. I do not plan on becoming a comedian and I thought that someone show this first timer that he cannot just step up on my friend and be a prick to her because he did not understand how stand-up works.

Let me first introduce a little background story; this fucker, he shall not be named, came to comedy night seemingly to heckle everyone else. And when I went and made the rounds I found all these new people to be very kind and welcoming. But this mother fucker had an agenda. He didn't know it, but I did. He went and made a fool of himself because he thought he could be a natural talent at it.

Buddy. These hard working individuals come up and perform in front of many people, sometimes several times a week. And from what I understand, they have to go up and experiment, test their jokes on the suspecting audience and whether they get a laugh or not they get a feel to how they should proceed with their comedic voices. Now, these people do not need some interloping jack-off to defend themselves, from what I heard from them tonight, I know that they can handle themselves. BUT with that being said, no one really directly went to the aid of my friend. Is this my job? Not really, BUT I'LL BE FUCKED if I sit around and let this piece prance around and mistakenly be an asshole to MY new friend. So I went up there and humiliated myself, but I took him with me.

The only reason I went up was because I wanted him to know I was calling him out on his fucking bullshit. And you know what? That may have seemed mean spirited BUT at the end of the night HE came up to me and told me he knew what I went up there to do. I just wanted to call this dick on his foul.

Now if I never see him again it will be too soon. He genuinely creeped me out and told me he had mental issues and if you knew the slough of shit he was caught up in then I doubt highly that you would disagree with me.

As for me? I walked home on a high of walking up on stage and giving that bitch a taste of his own medicine. Like I said, I don't really care what people think of me, I just wanted to prove a point. I can be an outloud asshole too. I can go out of my way and show the public that I like to be a fucking loser and not care what other people think of me. And I wanted to get my fucking punch in, for my friend. Because if that fucking asshole made ME feel the way I saw he made my friend feel? I would DEFINITELY want someone to do the same. Just for shits and giggles.

Thank you, I'll be here all week!

-ME

MyExposedLife: THREE

I’m squandering my youth on waiting for the miraculous and awesome to happen to me rather than going out and attaining it for myself. I fear that which I crave the most. I want to have the limelight but fear the backlash and harshness of its glare. I want fame and fortune but am too afraid to let myself be vulnerable in its wake and hurt me. I spend my time conceiving of the possibilities yet spend none of it doing the work to create that reality. How can I make the transition from vision to actuality when anxiety has plagued all my fruitless attempts?

I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know what plan of action I want to take and am too frightened to just pick one at random and even then how would I go about it when I’ve set that plan in motion?

For the first time in almost 4 months I feel like I’ve done something and it took coming home to do it. I’ve planned my first short film out of the program that I took. It’s still going to take some time to get the money together to shoot it but I feel good that it’s all out of my head and on paper. I am happy that I am back into writing again and hope that I stay in this grove. I also hope that I am finally going to finish ‘God Complex’ but for now I am going to write Rez Dogs as a short film, finish Ingénue’s script, and my special project ‘Edge of Glory’ indigenous version not to mention a internet series I’ve been wanting to do for like three or four years.

I am not in any way moved back to Saskatchewan but I feel like I needed a sabbatical… I was not really doing anything other than interning and writing an occasional feature for a newspaper. I am also going to try possibly crowd-funding but I am a no one and I’ll need to be someone to do it so first I think I’ll try get into writing for money which I LOVE doing. My CV is up to date and I want to go back to Winnipeg at any second but there is no point if I am not going to be doing anything over there. I’ve tried applying for normal jobs but nothing seems to catch my eye. I want to make money but I don’t want to get stuck in a rut paying bills and living life.

There are so many opportunities out there yet I am at a loss to actually get any of them in front of me when the time is right. I was going to apply for film school but that fell to the wayside- I don’t have anyone wanting to see me do it so I feel like it will be a waste of time. Who knows? Maybe I’ll still get down to doing it. I want to be able to have that under my belt but at the same time I don’t want to waste my own talent being emotionally and mentally drained from learning the way Hollywood does films. To sacrifice my own creative abilities that make me want to pursue that cinema in the first place is ultimately my biggest fear.

Affirmation is all I think I need but I’m not getting it from where I want it from. The support of my family is what anyone one should be able to have but for me it’s not… My friends and peers all see something in me but when it’s not through the lens of my kin then how am I supposed to feel like its worth doing? I am extremely grateful that friends and peers do support me… Who knows right? Maybe one day I’ll turn around and see everyone cheering me on instead of telling me to compromise. The struggle is real.

The grandiose future that I set before myself to will into reality is something I plan on chasing with every part of me until I’ve drawn my final breath. I am not disillusioned to the realities of what I plan on accomplishing. To some it seems like a joke but perhaps it is my fallacy to be so fucking comical, I will persevere. Let my irreverent spirit and determination be my guiding light and damn all those who oppose such an awesome dream. It may be hard to perceive for some but dreamers are the ones with the courage to bring fantasy to fruition. I am a dreamer.

Finally for my blogs, if no one is going to read them then I am not going to continue. Same with everything else, people don’t watch or want to see me blog then I’m not going to… Why bother having 500 videos if no one is going to watch them and that’s how I felt. It seems that pretty much everyone wants to see me humiliate myself dressed as a transvestite and I have no problem with it but I have no budget to do it with. I could crowd fund for that but OMFG, why? LOL.

Perhaps when I do find my passion project I will do this thing for real and not let everything else in while I achieve completing it. As for everything else just wait and see what I do next. I’ll do it when I want to or if it suits me or if the time is right OR if enough people like it. The final word at the moment on anything is that I am working on writing, when I get equipment I’ll start doing film making and internet stuff but until that happens I am procrastinating in that department. If you want to see what I’m doing or see more of what I have already done then tell me and maybe it will motivate me to doing something new for you all. If you want to see more then ask… and if you don’t like what you’re seeing then look away mother fucker.

So that’s all that is on my mind at the moment, and look I’ve just passed 1000+ words and I didn’t even break a sweat! Maybe this writing stuff isn’t as hard as I make it sound. But thank you all who support me I really do appreciate it but if you let me know (writing wise) then I’ll write more J Have a great day and thanks again.

ODMK